What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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