Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
