Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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