Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize