Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize