my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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