Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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