you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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