i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize