Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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