Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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