o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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