he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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