How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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