And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
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The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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