you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
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So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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