epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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