This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize