ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize