i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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