I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do vagina's smell?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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