She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize