This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
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I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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