Your dad touched me again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize