I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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