Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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