swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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