there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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