We won't sleep together?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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