Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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