what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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