i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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