He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
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You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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