I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
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Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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