I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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