Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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