He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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