remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
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Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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