If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
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He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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