She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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