a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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