someone get that fucking seahorse.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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