My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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