My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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