I'm gonna have a badass scar
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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