I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize