i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
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I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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