its not stalking. its research.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize