I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize