i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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